Saturday, August 3, 2019

Lost thoughts

My mum passed away this spring from a devastating stroke.  We weren't expecting it, we weren't prepared for it and we certainly weren't ready for the final outcome.  

I miss her and I talk to her and I look for her in my everyday life, hoping for a glimpse that she is happy and that she still is near somehow.  Every year in late April the hummingbirds arrive at my window announcing that they are looking for some juice, they are like clockwork.  This year April came and went, then May, then June was here and I was still watching and waiting for them to arrive, I had the sugar water in the fridge all ready to go.  Finally the day came when a lone hummingbird appeared at my kitchen window to give me the thumbs up that they were back.  To me the hummingbirds will always symbolize my mum.  I know that she sent them to me...  

Grief is an unyielding opponent, it is always lurking, it waits in the corners of our hearts and strikes when we think we are doing ok but it has other plans to show us otherwise.  I am pretty sure I will never really be ok again without her, I will only just be.  There is no getting over the loss of a parent there is only passing through it and hoping we come out stronger on the other side.

 In memory of Mom 
November 1937 - May 2019


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